I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
