go do what you do best...puke behind churches
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
