You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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