saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Vodka?
Forever.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
