Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Randomize
