this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
