i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
