yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
you made out with another girl for some wings
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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