It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
