So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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