Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
