The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
