drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
