I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
