Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
