Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
