Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
