My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
