It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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