I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
