Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
