no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
