you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Semen is not good for contacts.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
