12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
