Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
my sisters under your porch take her home
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
