What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You pole danced in your parka.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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