and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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