sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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