Where is the hickey?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
