gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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