HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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