did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
