dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
