I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
