i don't like sucking hair
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
How external is "for external use only"?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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