youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
