4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
