Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
