youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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