his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
