you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
