Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
