Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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