and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
