So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
