Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
