I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
