I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
