i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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