i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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